The name is not quite spot on, as what this product actually does is suck. Still, it’s an important part of our monopoly so you better buy it. We’ve been even kind enough to include the expiry date in the name. Currently you can get the 1998 version (which truth to be told expired 5 rather than 2 years ago) and the newer, even better one, Winblows 1900. The name says it all.
Another widely spread product. It spreads out on your hard drive like a lazy dinosaur and works in much the same way. This is another product with the expiry date generously included. Currently available in three expired versions: expiry date 97 for you, 98 for the enemy and 1900 for the bravest of heart.
An essential part of the Suffice package (and of its success as well). If you’re ready to pay more for a word processor than people with brains do for a full office package, go for this baby. Its popularity couldn’t be reduced in the last couple of years, not even through the fact that nowadays the highest percentage of all viruses on desktop systems originate from Weird “.dog” files sent as an e-mail attachment (for total coverage, check out Watchout Mistress below).
Another member of the Suffice clan. If you thought you knew what the word “overblown” meant, you should see this one and you’ll realize you didn’t even come close to the truth. Oversized like a sightseeing bus for your garage, the best CPU for this application is the one that will come out next year. But as people obviously dislike software that works with last year’s computer models, this beauty is holding its own rather well.
The perfect arsenal to harass, embarrass, blast and vaporize your cyber-enemies. Including all kind of long-range weapons like iHTML that’s only readable with WOE 5+ (and its big brothers Watchout and Exploder) and easy management of various viruses disguised as attachments (to achieve best results, use in combination with Weird). There is one slight problem though: Watchout (Express) has no defensive mechanisms, so if your enemy is reckless enough to deploy the same product, you become about as defenseless as the average BIOS against CIH…
Give us all you have
We can surely make better use of it than you could ever dream of, like wasting it on building more secure technologies into our CDs and authenticity certificates than any currency of the world has ever had. And of course we need it for producing other versions of the Big Brother software we give away free (Exploder, Watchout Mistress, BackSide Mistress). Or would you like to have to pay for Big Brother supervising you? No, I guess not.
Waste of Resources
If you get tired of the (with our products very) hard work, time to enjoy yourself with this relaxing game of wasting resources on military units wasted in battles not getting you ahead. To take your enjoyment to a higher level, we decided to make the game feel more realistic than any of its kind before, by letting it waste your resources in ways you can’t imagine. By following the standard tactics of doubling the system requirements printed on the box (in this case, Pentium 90, 32 MB RAM), you won’t be anywhere near the real figures. On a PII-400 you will be able to see choppy frame rates in certain scenarios, thus making it more hardware-intensive than any current 3D shooter title. And as for memory, try running the game on a mere 256 MB without having another 100 MB on your hard drive for a nice juicy swapfile!